I am a person who enjoys telling people the backstory so there is more understanding about what's really going on, and how I'm where I'm at. So, here's a summary (kinda deep lol, sorry!!)
After spending months, days, hours, minutes, seconds, at home with my family during quarantine; I became very co-dependent on them, I connected so much more with my family and made so many memories in such a INSANE period of time. During COVID, my blind Boxer, Barnaby (Bus), developed cancer and spread really fast.
The week that I was packing up my room, my car, saying goodbye to my best friends, my family, my animals, leaving my home; when I thought nothing could get worse. Well, I was wrong. We ended up taking Bus to the vet; poor guy can't even see, so he had no idea what was going on. We made him the most comfortable and spoiled dog, ever. We ended up putting Bus down, and had to drive home in tears, because leaving my home and being able to see videos and pictures was a solution, but in this case, I couldn't see him again. 2 days later, I had to finish saying goodbye to everybody, and drive 850 miles to a new home.
Pulling off of the 8, in front of the San Diego State University Next Exit sign, I wanted to turn the car around and go home. I didn't feel the joy that I felt when I visited the school, I wasn't excited, I wasn't scared, I just didn't want to be lonely, and away from my mom, dad, and brother. I did everything with them for months on end, and I cried and cried, and hugged everyone for as long as I could. I was in a brand new state, in a brand new room (with no decorations set up), nobody had moved in to the dorm yet. My whole family had to leave a few hours we got everything moved in, because they had work and school. So, I ended up staying in my bed, with boxes everywhere, puffy eyes, and calling my family every 10 minutes. I had a system going with my mom. We would call and FaceTime during breaks, before bed, in the morning, after class, etc, EVERYDAY!
The hardest thing has been spending holidays away form home. After this last weekend, I felt super lonely and homesick and there are some days where I wish I didn't go to school out of state, but there are the times where I am so incredibly grateful for where I go to school. Being home away from home is really hard, you will always have places to go back to, but once you move out of your room, it feels like it's not actually 'your' room. The FOMO that happens during holidays and breaks are so incredibly hard, and watching my family do activities that I wish I was apart of, it sucks, and there's nothing you can do about it, except hope they are having fun, and knowing they are thinking about you :)
Everyone understands homesickness, I'm sure. But, I am here to tell you, that no matter what happens, there are so many ways to communicate to feel like you're at home again. There are so many good things and taking a step out of your comfort zone is the only way to start. It seems like it becomes easier, when in reality it just absolutely sucks, sometimes. So, when you are able to see your family, and go home, take it all in. Take the time with your family, your pets, yourself. You are away from school; just let it disappear for a few hours to take some self care time. Taking care of yourself by checking in with your people, is the way to making a habit become a reality. Spend time with family, because so much sh** happens, that we don't know what to prepare for (from sickness to COVID, to moving schools, and so much more).
Being apart of WSS has made me feel like I have another family I can go to about anything, having my friends out here, creating memories, I have that family. I have my roommates, and everybody is going to have someone there for them, when they feel lonely. If you are that person, and you're reading this, know that I will be here. Always. No matter what; if you don't know me, I will be the shoulder to cry on, the ear to listen, and the person to talk to.
Thanks for reading another Catch up with Causha